🏈 THE FRIDAY NIGHT HOLLER REPORT / Eastside Spartans🏈

Preseason Edition With Special Guest Reporter Hulk Hogan

WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN EASTSIDE RUNS WILD ON YOU?

COEBURN, VA — Well, let me tell you something, brother.

The Eastside Spartans have spent the last couple of football seasons knocking people around, piling up wins and playing football deep into November. Twice they've made it all the way to the Region 1D championship game, and twice Rye Cove has been standing on the other side of the field.

Twice the Eagles have ended Eastside's season.

That's enough to make a Spartan mad. It's also enough to get Hulk Hogan tearing his shirt off somewhere around Coeburn.

“WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, when 40 Eastside Spartans come running out on that field with two years of unfinished business on their minds?”

The expectations are high again in 2026, and there's a pretty good reason. Coach Mike Rhodes has a 40-player roster featuring 10 seniors and 14 juniors, but the number that'll get your attention is 22.

Eastside returns all 11 starters on offense and all 11 starters on defense.

Brother, that's not rebuilding. That's reloading.

🚪 SOMEBODY OPEN THAT DOOR

Rhodes isn't pretending the last two Region 1D championship games didn't happen. The Spartans have been close enough to see what waits on the other side, but Rye Cove has kept the door shut.

“It is what it is. We’ve been right there and we’ve knocked on the door, but we haven’t opened it.”

Rhodes said the challenge now is figuring out inside the Eastside field house how to finally open that door. But he isn't letting his players start thinking about a rematch in November before they've played the first game in August.

“I know it’s cliche, but the only game that matters is the one in front of us. We’ve got to take care of each week and let everything happen the way it happens.”

That's coach talk for one opponent at a time.

Hulkster translation?

“You don't win the championship in August, brother! You say your prayers, eat your vitamins, take care of business every Friday night and keep those 24-inch pythons ready for November!”

💪 EXPERIENCE? EASTSIDE HAS PLENTY

If experience wins football games, the Spartans have a truckload of it.

Keldan Hamilton returns at running back and linebacker and will be one of the leaders of a team loaded with veterans. Behind center will be junior Landon Pannell, who enters his third season as Eastside's starting quarterback.

That's not something you see every day at the high school level.

Hamilton believes Pannell has the arm and football smarts to put up some mighty big numbers if Eastside ever decided to turn him loose.

“He could throw the ball for over 3,000 yards in a season if that was our type of offense. He’s a very smart, hard worker with a high football IQ.”

Pannell won't be standing back there by himself. Isaiah Barnette could be another major weapon out of the backfield, while Rocky Bond, Chase Williams and tight end Noah Hamilton give Eastside one of the region's better groups of receiving targets.

The Spartans have weapons.

A bunch of 'em.

“Landon Pannell's got more options than the Hulkster had tag-team partners, brother! You cover one guy, another one gets loose. You stop the run, somebody's coming over the top. WHATCHA GONNA DO?”

🧱 THE BIG FELLAS UP FRONT

Quarterbacks and running backs get their pictures in the newspaper, but Rhodes knows where those big offensive numbers have really started the last couple of seasons.

Up front.

Eastside returns the whole bunch: guards Landry Carico and Tristan Fields, tackles Isaac Dingus and Blake Hamilton, and center Carter Jackson.

That's five experienced offensive linemen who've already been through the wars together. Many of them will turn around and play on the defensive front too, which means they'll spend most Friday nights hitting somebody regardless of which direction Eastside has the football.

Around here we call that earning your supper.

“Five veterans up front, brother? Those aren't offensive linemen. That's the Eastside version of the Mega Powers! When those big dudes start moving people, Hulkamania's gonna be running wild all the way down the field!”

🛡️ 22 STARTERS BACK MEANS 22 STARTERS BACK

That experience doesn't disappear when Eastside's offense leaves the field.

The Spartans return those familiar faces along the defensive front, while Keldan Hamilton, Noah Hamilton and Braxton Freeman give Eastside experience at linebacker. Bond and Williams return in the secondary.

There aren't many mysteries here. These guys know the system, they know one another and they've played in big games. Most importantly, they know what it feels like to get within one victory of playing for something bigger and then have to pack up the equipment.

Twice.

That can either weigh on a football team or put a mighty big chip on its shoulder.

We're guessing Rhodes would prefer the chip.

🔔 ROUND ONE STARTS AT CENTRAL

The championship door Rhodes talked about is a long way down the hallway. First, Eastside has to walk through every other door between here and there.

The Spartans open the regular season Friday at Central before returning to Coeburn for their home opener Sept. 11 against Rural Retreat. Then comes the Cumberland District opener when J.I. Burton visits Eastside on Oct. 2.

Nobody inside that Eastside field house needs reminding how the last two seasons ended. They've lived it. The bigger question is what they're going to do about it.

With 22 returning starters, a third-year quarterback, an experienced offensive line, plenty of weapons and a senior-heavy roster, Eastside won't be sneaking up on anybody. Opponents know exactly what's coming.

So does the Hulkster.

“Let me tell you something, Eastside Spartans! You've knocked on that championship door for two straight years. This time, don't knock, brother. Put those shoulders down, get those Spartans behind you and KICK THAT THING OPEN!”

The road starts at Central.

Where it ends is up to Eastside.

But if these Spartans get rolling and that Eastside crowd starts feeling a little Hulkamania in the air around Coeburn, there's only one question left to ask:

WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN EASTSIDE SPARTAN-MANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU, BROTHER?!

🏈 Friday Night Holler Football Reports
Big hits. Big plays. Small-town football. And just enough foolishness to keep Friday night interesting.

BROTHER!